hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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