new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
