drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
