after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
