His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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