Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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