i can't believe i had my finger in that
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
