exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
