SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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