everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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