My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
