Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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