we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
