I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
