i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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