just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Enjoy the penises
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
