p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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