he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
