saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
