My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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