I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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