I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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