she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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