well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Your dad touched me again.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize