just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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