when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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