no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
