uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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