YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
