let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
