Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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