I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
