so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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