My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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