She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
