im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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