If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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