come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
