Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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