I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
