He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
