No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
only you would photoshop your dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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