I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
