there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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