New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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