thus making me awesome and them whores
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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