one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
