Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
