He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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