I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
