at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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