This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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