i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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