giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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