I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
