He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
