people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
