I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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