i permit you to call me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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