I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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